on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
