$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
