Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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