I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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