your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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