I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
