Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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