I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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