I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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