NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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