I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My cat gives me a boner
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
