You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize