he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
