i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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