Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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