after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Randomize
