I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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