i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize