dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
