Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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