the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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