Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
