Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
