Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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