It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
