you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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