I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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