Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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