just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
