fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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