??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
