he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
