he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Boobs are out for the taking
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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