I'm so fucking centered right now
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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