im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
