yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
