Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize