He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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