Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
