the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
