Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
