Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
