He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Drunk is not a location!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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