Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
