last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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