Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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