They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
