If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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