I wannas sexs uuuuu
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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