i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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