Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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