Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize