Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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