and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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