Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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