My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
