Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
