We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize