When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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