I accidentally had phone sex last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
