she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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