i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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