who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
