So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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