At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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