She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
