i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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