So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
