about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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