Someone shit on the floor
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
