Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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